you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
