im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
