yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
