I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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