Pants 0. Shit 1.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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