worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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