god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
