I'm going to jail i love you
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
