I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
