id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
