We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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