I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
