Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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