You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
there is glitter all over my balls
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