It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
2020 sucks, I want a refund
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
