If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
