My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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