We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
