watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
