Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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