On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
