if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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