I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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