She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
