i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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