I am in a vortex of obligation.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
