you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
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