Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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