Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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