Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
