I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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