Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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