Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
