my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
