Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
