who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
