the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you inspire me to be a worse person
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
