Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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