she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
