My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
