maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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