well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
