i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My vagina just clenched in fear
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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