she woke up with a sticky ear
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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