when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
