wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
