oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
