Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
