were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
