That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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