Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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